Grab your broom sticks, let's ride

For your entertainment this evening, I will spin a rather more colorful tale than what has graced my pages of late. 

For those of you who know, and those of you who don't, I work in an office. My team that I work directly with is filled with men, and myself. Most of my coworkers are closer to my parent's age, with a few of us "next generation-ers" mixed in. This situation of course can only lead to amusing anecdotes.

As this was a week filled with errands, phone calls and mysterious secret print orders, I was pretty focused at work. This of course, to most men is a discomfort, so suspicions arise and eventually mischief raises its head.

My coworker decided to make a comment about a rumor he had heard regarding me and one of the fellows at work. I probably went through 15 emotions at once, but I knew he was digging a bit. I was curious to know what he saw me do or had heard to create such a stir. I didn't quite catch that he was stirring a pot of his own invention, so I bit down on the bait a bit harder, ignoring the barb of "He couldn't possibly think that...on what possible grounds?" 

He suggested that I was "Ever so teensy tiny bit smitten with the fellow".

I blushed from my toes up. I hate it when I do that. Thank heaven's for cubical walls where I can hide my honest face.

Whist frantically flipping through my interactions with said "Romeo", I found nothing that my coworker could have possibly read into. We were always professional. We got our work done and both take a serious interest in finding ways we can make our communication process more efficient. I'm not talking about leaving out a few letters here...I'm referring to a linear business practice that follows a ministry directive that is currently in development.

The only thing he could catch me on was maybe a smile or a tone in my voice. The darn pearly whites betrayed me! 

We proceeded to awkwardly laugh it off as I continued to dig a deeper hole with our conversation.  I then retaliated with a comment about "...working on my poker face for New Years..." Nice one Em. Real smooth. Way to deflect like a boss. Sigh.

He then corrected me about not doing that, and how genuine smiles are a good thing, as well as saying that "You want to give the guy a chance right?" 

 Wise old man. HA! More like snoopy old man! Shamed over a smile! I say! 

Thankfully since then this has turned into a running inside joke between my coworker and myself. We will now tease each other with "Hey, what's up with you and ________?" *wink wink nudge nudge say no more* 

All of this leads up to the nifty little conversation that happened near the end of my day, with my same coworker and one of our officers. 

I have a presentation coming upon Monday, so in keeping with good practice, I diligently signed out our extra laptop  this afternoon and proceeded to sign in. 

Bit-locker encryption code required please enter access code

I stared at the computer blankly. I've never seen that before. I tried restarting the computer, thinking that the registry might be caught on a snag somewhere in the digital recesses of memory. My co-presenter showed up and took a look at it. She immediately mentioned one of our IT guys and picked up the phone. She informed him of our particular pickle, and moments later strode into the room with a replacement laptop under his arm. 

The IT tech took a look at the message on the screen and told us that he would leave the replacement with us and would take a look at it, we would just have to make sure that we returned the loaner to him when we were done. We of course agreed, and I was extremely thankful, as part of my presentation is a power point, and it would be a shame to have to miss it. 

Later on I received a brief message from the IT tech that the laptop had miraculously cured itself after climbing two flights of stairs. I made a joke about it "just wanting to be held.". He found that amusing and then we agreed I would keep the loaner until my presentation was finished. 

Returning to my little corner of the world I hear: 

"Uh oh, she's wearing her boots today..." (Black leather knee high wedge heels for the record.) 

Of course I have to laugh at this one. My nick name... among a few other ones at work is apparently "Thunder boots". I walk like I am going somewhere...so sue me. 

There was rapid fire exchange of various humorous stabs and satirical comments between my cubical neighbor, the officer and myself. We tend to do that. 

Then I strike upon the brilliant idea of mentioning that my coworker has been starting rumors. He fired back with a comment about how "I should be nice because these poor men are helpless around all of us women." Of course I deny this, and the officer quips in and asks me about anything I had recently done in regards to "taking advantage of one of the guys."

"Uhhhh...Well you see..."

My first thought was what are we basing this on? He caught my pause and laughed. "See I knew it! You are soo guilty!" I explained the laptop situation that had occurred earlier. Both men laughed again. And extended their sympathy to the young IT tech. "How could he say no when he knew you two needed help?" they chimed. Sigh...it is never my intention to curry favor or manipulate others to get my work done...But apparently ol' lips and hips is too much.  Either that or the bombshell red lipstick I was wearing... 

Now you may be wondering in this horrifyingly long post, where do the witches come in? 

Here.

So after being accused of being a manipulative-vampire-harlot-harpy-queen, (all kidding) both my coworker and the officer sighed and mournfully admitted defeat. They were just pawns under our finely painted fingernails. Helpless in a sea of estrogen. Submissive kings before the thrones of our glowing faces.

There was some free thrown comment about my relationships, of course which I said I had a few and was still smiling. They looked at me like I was a cat with a mouth full of bird. 

"Oh sure after your destroyed them completely." came the retort. Which of course, isn't true by a long shot, in my own defense.

 My cubical buddy said "Just you wait until your silver years, you will be a saber-tooth tiger" Referring to the worst of the femme-cougar variety...

The officer jumps in and says "...most women grow old to be either saber-tooths or witches. Except for my wife. But maybe I am jaded." 

"I don't believe that for a second." I of course said with some level of indignant air.

I turned to face him and pointed at my face. 

"Look at this face. Do you believe that this face could ever be a witchy one?" 

He deflected saying "I don't know you well enough." And awkwardly flinched towards the door. 

I returned my gaze to my coworker who was sitting, quite pleased with himself in his office. "Well I hope that if I am going to turn at some point, that I grow some nice long fangs and don't mount a broom."

I turned on my heel and marched back to my chair and stewed for a few moments. They obviously have never met woman like my Mom. And if they knew anything about me, I am actually significantly less jaded now than I was at age 18, despite challenging relational circumstances that could very well dictate otherwise.

As much as I didn't enjoy their poking, it did make me think. 

No one likes feeling vulnerable. And for most men, women can instantly make them feel more vulnerable than they would ever want to admit. We expose an undeniable urge within them to forget their needs and assist in our own. I am aware that I can draw a look, a smile, a wink and can keep a man up late a night with just my being near. I've never been the kind of woman who wanted to move men with her pinky-finger, but there are some out there who would love nothing more. 

Wether young, cougars, saber-tooths, witches or b-witches we are capable of moving hearts, but hopefully most of all, our own. 

"Above all you are a woman. That is the greatest weapon of all." - Fernando Cruz